urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:exotic_daisy exotic_daisy exotic_daisy 2008-07-28T20:49:38Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:exotic_daisy:9530 2008-07-28T20:49:38Z 2008-07-28T20:49:38Z This diner has no closing time.<br /><br /><br />Start her up, one last time<br />Spicky swears she'll be just fine.<br />The engine's tired, the body frail.<br />He smokes his Camels, but they've gone stale.<br /><br />He won't give up<br />Not when there's something to be saved.<br /><br />So come on Sweetie-<br />Don't make us beg.<br />(Please)<br /><br />Come restart our broken hearts.<br /><br /><br />I hate this.<br /><br />My wine glass is empty- Where are you? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:exotic_daisy:9418 2007-11-30T18:22:23Z 2007-11-30T18:22:23Z I really like this song:<br /><br />Just walk away<br />Gather your thoughts for the second wave<br />Of this argument on this epic changing day<br />It's crazy to think that an hour ago all things were great<br />But we stand both proud both wrong and right<br />Throwing cheap shots in this stubborn fight<br />And our lives are so intertwined in one<br />And we're just so stuck in this moment its clear that were coming undone<br /><br />And you see it’s hard for me to breathe<br />When I get all worked up with these feelings<br />And I don’t know exactly how it is<br />That we can be so mad we consider to not exist<br />And we both know there’s so much love clenched within our fists<br /><br />The goodbye waves in the driveway just resonate<br />And yes I’m throwing it right back at her<br />While were drowning in rivers from our faces<br />We just wanna know if this is this over<br />Trembling silence fills the air<br />As we stand here so impaired, but so aware<br /><br />I sit in this house<br />Alone with fresh photographs<br />And I just can’t relax<br /><br />Like cigarette smoke, I’m starting to choke on this<br />Then half of my souls on the road in a car with a girl in a dress<br /><br />See it’s making it hard for me to breathe<br />When I get all worked up with these feelings<br />And I don’t know exactly how it is<br />Just to say I’m right, you're wrong, we both lose to win<br /><br />The goodbye waves in the driveway just resonate<br />And yes I’m throwing it right back at her<br />While were drowning in rivers from our faces<br />We just wanna know if this is this over<br />Trembling silence fills the air<br />As we stand here whoa-oh<br /><br />So hey now, maybe we're just being stupid<br />Hey, maybe we're being dumb<br />So hey now, maybe it's time that we stopped and we realize that like a flag in the wind we are one<br />And how at first it’s made so pure and lovely<br />But in battle can be torn to shreds<br />But with time and with patience and love and affection<br />Can be fixed with needle and thread<br />Because I love you and you love me<br />And nothing will make this leave<br />I said I love you and you love me<br />And nothing will make, make, make, make this leave<br />So remember me, yeah!<br />Remember me, yeah!<br />Remember me<br /><br />Don’t walk away… urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:exotic_daisy:9148 2007-11-08T02:25:19Z 2007-11-08T02:25:19Z I'm pretty much fully moved into my apartment (minus a few boxes i still need to sort through)<br /><br />I did my first grocery shopping today. I shopped for one vegan person. It was weird but kind of fun. I've done plenty of grocery shopping over the years, but these were my groceries. I don't know, it was cool. I feel like I'm moving. even if it's little by little. I feel like I'm not standing still. At least for now.<br /><br /><br />I went on vacation with matt, michelle and morgan last week. roadtrip to florida (apparently Florida= my new stomping grounds.) It was really fun and certainly necessary. I want to see everything. I need to. I guess everyone feels that way.<br /><br /><br />work is crazy. It's weird. sometimes i feel like i'm living a double life. there is this whole world i'm living in that i really can't describe to anyone. i could (and should) write dozens of books about my experiences over the past few years there, and yet i don't think it would do it justice. at this moment, i feel like even if i left my job tomorrow, i would still be happy with my decision of leaving school. all joking aside, i think it was the best move i've made as of yet. i hope i have the motivation to return to some sort of school-like atmosphere eventually, but that wasn't my time. i absolutely love my friends that i met there. they are family. no question about it. but if I had stayed there, i would have been staying there for them and not for the educational part. i would never have wanted them to do that. I hope that even though they were mad at me at first, they get it now. you can't abandon 4b. it's a state of mind and we know it. <br /><br />i feel like i have so much to say but it's not time yet. the words aren't there yet.<br /><br /><br />We had my Grandma's "unveiling" on my birthday. one of the reasons i wanted to skip my birthday this year. In Jewish tradition, the unveiling is supposed to release us from mourning. I feel like I miss her even more. She sent me a musical card every single year for 21 years. I couldn't think of doing this birthday without one. and so i didn't want anything. it sounds so trivial and silly when i say it to anyone else. but there's just so much i still want to ask her. She was my direct connection to my Jewish heritage and i feel a tremendous sense of loss with that as well. I brought the blanket she gave me to my apartment. it still smells like her favorite perfume, charlie, and a whisper of ocean mist. i need that scent to stay there as long as possible. i need to know that she's still here.<br /><br />I've been thinking a lot about loss. not just death loss. My heart aches to think how many people have been welcomed into my home and who have been close enough for me to feel a true sense of loss when they left. although it was necessary for them to be in my life when they were, i can't do it anymore. i can't get so wrapped up in people that i allow myself to experience that feeling of loss. it's fucked up. my grandma was a wonderful person who passed away. other people who have left? it was their choice. it doesn't deserve the same tears. the same prayers. the same mourning. <br /><br /><br />i miss her so much. sometimes i feel like she's the only person who wished they didn't have to leave. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:exotic_daisy:8863 2007-09-02T20:26:43Z 2007-11-08T01:44:36Z "Prospect Street"<br /><br />Although our children see no harm<br />in playing hopscotch after dark<br />Do not assume we are ignorant<br />or careless or naive<br />Night and day hold little difference<br />when we live in fear, indefinitely.<br />Let them play<br />until innocense expires<br /><br />Bicycle chains are never strong enough<br />But we abandon nothing. no one.<br />we have not lost our children willfully<br /><br />Ambulance, police- their lights dance on our faces- <br />it feels like christmas.<br />Their warning calls come too late<br />they are nothing more than a lullaby<br />silencing us<br />We can dream of rescue<br />or<br />We can dream of fading<br />...as sirens always do<br /><br />Either way<br />Let us dream<br />(The pavement crumbled long ago<br />unable to carry what we have) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:exotic_daisy:8629 2007-08-21T04:07:02Z 2007-08-21T04:07:02Z What happens to a dream deferred?<br />Does it dry up<br />Like a raisin in the sun?<br />Or fester like a sore--<br />And then run?<br />Does it stink like rotten meat?<br />Or crust and sugar over--<br />like a syrupy sweet?<br />Maybe it just sags<br />like a heavy load.<br />Or does it explode?<br />-Langston Hughes<br /><br /><br />This poem popped into my head a few days ago and though I have never been a fan of this specific poem, I always thought the concept was pretty cool. I've been thinking about friendship quite a bit. Not one or many in particular, but how necessary and superfluous it can be at any given moment in our lives. While family and lovers hold their own complex/insane places in our worlds, it seems friendship is the most frustrating and rewarding relationship. We are born with our blood relatives and until we get older, we have very little say on how much they will be part of our lives. And though love affairs and relationships and brief trysts entertain, motivate, and inspire us, i've always felt that friendship is the type of relationship that changes us. i guess that the aforementioned poem popped into my head because i wonder something similar about friendship. perhaps not deferred, but what about when it is no longer there.<br /><br />What happens when friendship dies?<br />does it suffer and cry? gasp for air and pray?<br />what if it doesn't go down in flames? what if friendship fades? did it ever exist at all? it can't remember what we do. hold grudges or heartache.ev and so it seems all friendship is capable of doing is holding what we put into it. maybe friendship can't die, but it surely seems it can cease to live.<br /><br />do you remember those things, i think they're called Magic Eyes? sometimes i feel like friendship is like trying to figure one of those out. you concentrate on seeing the big picture and change your perspective to do so. and sometimes if you're quite lucky, you can see the image through the jumbled mess. and then something happens. someone bumps you in the books store. your cell phone goes off. or you just lose it somehow. and the image is gone. you close your eyes trying to remember what you did right to make it happen so you could see it, and sometimes you can get it back. sometimes you can see it again. while i sit in barnes and noble staring at that book, i wonder, is it really worth the headache?<br /><br />i feel like i'm fading too. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:exotic_daisy:8364 2007-04-22T23:03:39Z 2007-04-22T23:03:39Z I miss you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:exotic_daisy:2726 2006-03-28T03:55:54Z 2006-03-28T03:55:54Z I think this is going to be friends-only for a while. let me know if you'd like to be added. thanks for your interest.